No one ever said it was going to be easy...or cheap!

EDIT--Debbie, it bothers us, too. It's crazy, in this day and age, that we have different prices for different races. And the ladies at our agency don't like it either. Two of them have adopted African-American children. But, if they did not keep the cost for AA adoptions lower, there would soon be infants who were placed at birth waiting in foster care. As it is, they still have to place out of state in many cases. An upshot is that the lower cost is a big incentive for African-American couples--who might not otherwise consider adoption--to pursue placement. Our agency places AA children with AA parents whenever possible.
That being said, when we were going through the homestudy and thought we would be matched with an AA child, we told Denise that even if it took us twenty years, we would pay the same amount for the adoption of a white, healthy child.
++++++++++++++++++

*sigh* For the last five years, the master and I have been unofficial spokespersons for adoption. I guess it is something you fall into when you decide to adopt. When people discover that we are an adoptive family, they in turn will know someone who is interested in adoption or trying to adopt and will pass along our information. Occasionally, said persons will follow through and contact us. At first, I was over-the-moon excited to share with anyone and everyone about adoption, but I suppose I've grown cynical and pessimistic. Perhaps because we've met with too many Terrys and Buds (names have been changed) over the past half-decade. I've run out of patience for the "It's too expensive" nay-sayers. Read the following from the bottom to the top (Terry's in green, the master's in red, and mine in blue) and tell me honestly if the tone of my response is totally lacking in tact and grace. I'll leave it to ya'll if I should just hang up the Adoption Proponent badge.

Terry,

I am so sorry this e-mail has taken so long! I just realized it has been sitting in my in-box FOREVER. I guess I don't pay attention to e-mails from my husband; he is usually e-mailing his sermon notes back and forth from the office.
Well, I don't really know where you are in the process. You mentioned that you are a fertile couple, so do you already have children in the home? If you have children, and have a heart for adoption, but are not able to afford a private adoption, you might want to consider going through the state foster/adopt program. This would be the best option if you are only open to a white child and are also open to older children (ages two and up) and siblings. Infants are seldom available for adoption, but you could foster an infant who might later become available for adoption. But that is always an emotional risk. My sister and her husband fostered many children, and did eventually adopt four of their foster children (one single child placed at 18 months and a sibling group of three, ages 3 and 5 at placement), but it was not a road without heartache.
If you contacted [agency name], you realized you did not mis-read the information. An adoption for a white, healthy, clean (not drug exposed) baby is going to cost you 30+ grand. It is shocking at first, but trust me, they are no more expensive than most other agencies in the country. This money goes to care for, shelter, clothe and counsel the birthmother throughout pregnancy, agency advertising for women looking to place their children, as well as pay the salary of [agency]'s staff. Believe me, they don't get paid near what they are worth. They work long hours for little pay because they believe in what they are doing. (And no, they don't pay me to say that! I just really love these ladies.) Adoption of other races and mixed races is significantly less--around $15,000 for full African-American and going up from there to full Caucasion--as well as adoption of special needs children. [Agency name] actually receives a state stipend when they place special needs children in adoptive families and that family's adoption cost them little. Which is how this poor pastor's wife brought home Cara last year, in case you are wondering.
Your other route is international, but I will say the international adoption scene is very bleak right now. Many countries have closed and those that remain open have long referral waits (again for healthy, young children). If your husband is nervous about the cost of a domestic adoption, he won't even want to go there! Marina was adopted from Russia at 13 months. Our international adoption price-tag (once we paid for travel and in-country cost) was well over $30,0000. At the time, [the master] was making little more than that annually. We were poor as church mice--literally. We got a few grants, sold stuff, sold cars, held fundraisers, worked extra jobs and took out a loan. She's been home four years, and we just paid off the last of her adoption three months ago. Was she worth it? All of it, plus a million times more. You do what you have to do for your children, and God is faithful. If it is something you feel He is leading you to do, He will provide. I know that sounds pretty cliche, but I'm not just saying that--I've lived it!
I hope this helps and let me know if you need any more information.

In Christ,
Jessica

Terry,

Do not be discouraged. Adoption is very expensive, but there is help. My wife is an expert on this subject. *Whatever! This man really loves me. He grossly over estimates my capabilities* She knows the "ins and outs" of the adoption world better than most people in the industry. I am going to forward your e-mail to Jessica, and let her respond with specific information to help you. Believe me, we understand the discouragement! The adoption process can be overwhelming at times. Keep praying and get all the information you can. Since you are so close to [agency name] go talk to Jan or Ann or Debbie. I guess that you found their web-sight. These ladies are the best! They can give you more information, and they would never try to talk anyone into adoption. We will be praying for you and Bud.

God Bless You as you seek His will.

Bro. [the master]

*Terry met the master at a family funeral that he was presiding over. A family member told Terry that we had adopted, and since she lived close to our agency in Houston, he gave her the agency's website and phone number in addition to his business card*

[the master],
I received information from [agency name] on adoptions. I’m very interested, whereas my husband needs to think on it a bit more. I think we’d be perfect candidates, but the cost is really going to throw my husband for loop. It’s crazy expensive! It appeared that it is $8000 up front, then $8000 halfway through the process, then another $17,000. Surely, I read it incorrectly. I’ll read it again tonight. Maybe it’s the 8K+8K+ another K. How can any average family afford a child? The literature said that there are more kids than adoptive families – no wonder. That’s really discouraging. I’m still fertile, so it doesn’t make sense to adopt at that rate. That’s a bit selfish, but factual and I’m sure I’m not the first person to have that thought. Do you have any tips? Are there programs out there to assist with finances? We make a good living, have a great home, are well grounded in our beliefs and practices as Christians, we are all around stable. I feel really disappointed.
Any words of advice from experience?

Blessings,
Terry