Found this post on Wife of the Rockstars blog. It spoke to me. I wish I could put this on a fly bill and pass them out at church, send them to teachers in the handy "news from home" envelope, and frame some as lasting reminders for our extended family. I would make it required reading for company--complete with quiz following. Perhaps have some printed in track size for nosey strangers in the grocery store, library, or salon. My additions and alterations in pink

My child has RAD. Reactive Attachment Disordered that is.
And to you she is the most adorable, affectionate, loving child you have ever met. SHe melts you with every smile. He warms your heart with his engaging disposition. I would have to say, "wraps you around her finger with her shy, soft-spoken words, and long-lashed beautiful blue eyes that seem to entreat you, 'love me.'"
In your Sunday school class she is the most well behaved student you have.
In your classroom she always listens and obeys and looks for ways to be helpful.
When you come to our home to visit, she will grab your hand and show you around. SHe will hug you and make you feel like you are the most welcome guest we have ever had. SHe may even convince you that you have some sort of special bond with her.
It is hard for me to tell you that you are not special at all. In fact she does this with everyone. SHe does this with the creepy guy at the mall. SHe does this with the checkout lady at the food store. In fact he does this with just about everyone she meets. Marina does not do this UNLESS the stranger has something tangible that she wants. Then it is like a kiddie version of fatal attraction. Do you realize how vulnerable that makes her? Can you imagine how terrified I am as a mother, wondering how this behaviour will manifest itself at sixteen? And Marina's RAD is extremely MILD.
Except for me.
When I tell you what our life is like you look at me like I am crazy. Oh, yes, how well I remember from Marina's toddler days. You wonder how on earth such a sweet child could do or be all of the things I have said. You start questioning our parenting. You begin wondering if it is really us that has the issues.You just see this cute little child.
You aren't here when she tantrums and screams. You aren't here when she refuses to eat. You aren't here when she eats until she is ill. Thanking God we are passed this. You aren't here for the constant chatter. You aren't here when she stays awake all hours of the night. You aren't here when she triangulates us. Or when she does every possible annoying thing she can think of to each of her siblings. Or steals and hoards their prize possessions. You aren't here when she won't share her toys or when she goes crazy because one of her little siblings took something away. Or when she takes her baby sister's training pants or her brother's GI Joe party favor bag--things she couldn't possibly want or need--simply because they had them and she didn't.
You don't see how she can't make eye contact. Or how she fidgets when I come close to her. Or how he gags himself in time out. For us this sentence should read, "Or how she throws herself on the floor like someone having an epileptic seizure when she is disciplined." You just don't see it.
Yes, she is an adorable child.
But, she also has RAD. We don't love her any less. We just have to parent her very different.

We had something come up today with Marina that we've worked and worked and worked with her over. I thought we were passed it, but apparently I was wrong. It is looking like we will simply have to remove the choice--as we did with her wardrobe--from her. Undoubtedly, our life will run more smoothly as a result. Because she will not be put in the position to make the wrong choice over and over and over again. But at what cost? Each time we do this, I feel an enormous sense of defeat.

Daycare Down and Dirty

Don't want to be accused of holding out on ya'll regarding the daycare plans. It's just not altogether interesting. Overwhelmingly complicated, yes, but fascinating reading material? No. Since this building fell in our laps in February, I've been struggling with the "ifs" and "whens" of opening a childcare center. I've prayed and prayed for the Lord to tell me one way or the other what He wants me to do, but the Spirit has--so far--remained silent. The master, on the other hand, has not. He is like a freight train barreling faster and faster toward the Sunnys*de K*ds station, and ladies, it is hard to stop a train.
And frankly, I'm out of options. We are closing on this building within days. We haven't really been living in the real world since moving here six months ago. We've just been wallowing around, soaking up God's unexpected showers--make that a downpour--of blessing. We moved into a 10,000 square foot facility full of furniture, electronics, baby equipment, diapers, books, toys, food, etc. We were told to keep whatever we wanted. We don't pay rent. We don't pay utilities. And we don't fund any of the improvements we make to the property. But by the end of the week, that is all going to change. Our payment will be nothing near what you would expect to pay for a building this size, but it still must be paid. And then there is water, electricity, and gas. We don't have any idea what that is going to run us.
I tried to get a job teaching public school, but no luck. I don't know if it is the three year break on my resume, or that we've moved three times, or that fewer teachers are retiring because of the economy, but whatever it is, THEY AREN'T CALLING. I'm not qualified to do anything but work with children in a professional setting, so any other job I could get would be minimum wage. Minimum wage job - two children in daycare = bubkiss.
It is not that I don't enjoy teaching and working in childcare. I do! I loved each and every one of the children I kept in my home last year, and had we not moved, would have continued in the home daycare business indefinitely. But, there is SO. MUCH. INVOLVED. If it was just loving the kids, and teaching them their ABC's, and wiping hinies and noses, I would have been open yesterday. But it is dealing with the state, and insurance, and standards, and Food Programs, and ratios, and affidavits, and legal risks, and payroll, and asphalt in my play yard.
I could go on for hours listing pros and cons but what it all boils down to is this:
Should we continue to "live in faith" and trust God to provide? After all, He has been doing a superb job of it. I know my capabilities. I can't do it all. At least, not well. I can't run a quality daycare and keep up the pace of full-time mom to six. Not to mention an active pastor's wife of a growing congregation. Should we concentrate on our family, making a happy, stable home for them, and ministering in our church? Trusting with our whole hearts that He is able to make a way--even when the numbers don't add up?
OR
Maybe He gave us this building to be used for a purpose? Perhaps NOT opening a daycare would be poor stewardship of His gift? Am I being selfish and lazy? Doesn't the Proverbs describe a worthy woman as one "who considers a field and buys it; from her earnings she plants a vineyard?" From a purely business standpoint, this daycare has every opportunity of being a success. It is--if you will--a handsome field. Shouldn't I turn it to the best advantage for my family? Also it is, without a doubt, what my husband (the one I'm supposed to submit to) intends for me to do.
Now you see why I have stayed up nights.

Ike Aftermath

My arms are sore from raking, and I'll probaby have blisters tomorrow, but the yard is looking much better! Who would of thought that I would still have hurricane clean-up in my new home? Not me, for sure. We lost six trees here, but thankfully none on the house. Technically, we are still renters, so I guess it would have been the seller's problem, but since we were in it at the time, I'm very glad nothing fell on the house.
The master left this morning, along with my best help (aka K), to see how our coastal dwelling place fared. He called this evening to say that the yard there looks better than the yard here. My parents' home is also in good shape. Our theory (mine and my dad's) is that Rita cleared out all of the weak/dead wood three years ago, and since then, the phone and electrical companies have been more vigilant about keeping the trees cut back from the lines. Of course, Daddy and I aren't exactly leading scientists in the field of forestry, 'ya know, so my friend Kathy can chime right in and either lend credence to or completely discount this hypothesis. At any rate, power is already being restored in my little hometown, and with Rita it took THREE weeks. I'm sure you will hear much about terrible devastation in the days to come, but that was from the storm surge (which hit two nearby communities) and Galveston, and Houston. Houston only caught the clean side of Rita three years ago, so their trees and linemen were still lazy.
We were saddened to hear that the little community five miles down the road from our old home--where we worshipped for the last year and a half--was completely destroyed. Even though they were such a short distance from us, our neighborhood was within the levee system and the neighboring community wasn't. Our levee and seawall held, otherwise our house would have been underwater as well. You won't hear about them on the national news, but 80% of the congregation lost their homes. After Rita, most insurance companies would no longer write flood insurance for those living on the bayou, so when I say they lost everything, I mean it. There won't be a check from the insurance company coming in the mail. We are so burdened for them.