The Ride Rolls On

Let me off I'm going to be sick! It had already been a crazy day at work, when the master called to tell me something I
Did not want to hear. D--while waiting for our book to arrive--had begun to ask for a choice. In other words, she wanted to look at more than just our profile. The director felt lead to send out an e-mail to the seven families they have "sitting on go" to see if anyone was open to the situation. Then they would be able to tell her honestly that they had contacted all their families and we were it.
Well, they were surprised to receive a response from one couple; they were open.
The interesting thing about this news was that just this morning, I had been thinking about all those couples who wait with empty arms for years because they will not consider opening their hearts to children like my Cara and Marina. I'm not being judgmental--I can only imagine that they might make a different choice if they knew my girls. If I could show them. If they took the chance. In that moment, I felt such a profound sadness for those nameless, faceless couples.
So now I was in turmoil. I wanted to be happy for this couple who were willing to bring this baby home. But now I was so selfishly disappointed. I needed some time to crawl away and cry but the day's demands at the daycare made that impossible. I kept thinking three more hours until I can cry...two and a half hours until I can cry...
I called myself nine kinds of stupid for posting about the adoption. I dreaded telling the children. I even felt mild irritation for our beloved agency--was't one of the first words out of my mouth, "Do you have a family open to this?" This had to be the worst result of assuming I'd ever! Then less than two hours later we got a second call--D CHOSE us! I never thought she would choose us. Never. Turns out she grew up an only child. She said it was lonely, she wants her sonto have brothers and sisters.
Brothers and sisters? Done. ;0)