Friday Photo Journalism

Parents Consider Legal Action in Wake of False Advertising Debacle

Texas--Br*tt incorporated, owners to the popular children's icon, Th*mas the Tank Engine, bamboozled countless customers into buying shrill train whistles falsely touted and packaged as flashlights.

The proposed class action suit accuses the company of lying to consumers not only in stocking the toys in a separate, whistle-less section of the gift shop, but also in cleverly concealing the offending mouthpiece located at the base of the flashlight. Unsuspecting moms, steered children past sirens, bull horns, and snap whips to flashlights, deceitfully nestled between toothbrushes and themed underpants, only to be horrified once the plastic came off. Too late for remedy.


"It is MY flashlight. It is for to make the light. And here, it is a whistle. I blow it loud and louder," testified a three year old of his new Th*mas flashlight.


His parents were considerably less thrilled. They grimly agree, "someone should pay."

Friday Photo Journalism

Mass Transit Stalls in Tracks

A full two days of expectation and endless turns of the ignition finds Eight Heart's mass transit riders not knowing whether their services will resume in the near future, or at all. Significant funds already gobbled by two house payments and new business endeavors left local government at a loss for providing transportation to its citizens. After lengthy debate and discussion in a closed chamber session, they've tabled the matter. Talks are scheduled to reconvene Monday--following payday--when it is hoped that the much needed repair and maintenance will be financially feasible. Meanwhile, general morale ebbs as residents miss previously scheduled events.

"We couldn't go Putt-Putt. The van wouldn't start." stated a young woman regarding the current transportation crisis. While saddened by this development, she remains cautiously optimistic, "But if we can watch a movie, I will be happy."

With lawmakers eager to woo disheartened constituents, in all likelihood, her wish will be granted.

Friday's Photo Journalism

LAUNDRY AVALANCHE TRAPS YOUNG WIFE AND MOTHER

The friend of a local housewife buried alive in her laundry room said she once described her fate as her greatest fear. "She despised the laundry most of all her household tasks," friend commented through tears. "She used to say: 'Laundry is going to be the death of me yet.'"
Jessica Lynn Su______, 31, was last seen on August 21 when a group of small children allegedly witnessed her entering the laundry room of residence at approximately 10:35, investigators told the EightHearts Enquirer.
“We have a lot of clothes. They stay around the house," son Ian stated. "Some big piles. Some little piles. Some middle-size piles. Some piles are dirty clothes and some are clean." First responders report that it appears one of these "big piles" toppled and crushed the hapless woman under its weight.
While rescue efforts are ongoing, hope for recovering the young woman alive is slipping away. Meanwhile, J_____ S_____, 35, K____ S_______, Abby S______, 8; Ian S_______, 6, Marina Su_______,5 Randy S____________, 3 and Cara S________ 1, have been brought in for questioning and may be held on involuntary manslaughter charges, according to jail officials.
Investigators say they don't believe the husband and children intended to lose wife and mother to the laundry. Nevertheless their actions--or lack thereof--resulted in this tragedy.

Friday's Photo Journalism

RACHEL RAY, YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED

Texas--Cara S________, a culinary prodigy at 13 months? Her singular passion for cookbooks would indicate so.

Family members report that the tiny toddler spends much of her free time perusing the latest issues of 'Taste of Home' and carefully studying cooking classic such as 'Betty Crocker.' Older sister, Abigail S______, laughingly remarks:

"Cara likes being mischievous. [Seen here] she is getting into the cookbooks for about the thirtieth time."

Parents intend to refuse--at present--any offers from Food Network for syndication; they're taking a slow approach, hoping to "channel her genius into more constructive outlets." When the young chef was asked about her plans to take the cooking world by storm, she denied comment, grinning wickedly.

Friday's Photo Journalism

TEAM S_______ HOPEFUL OF RAPID RECOVERY

Texas--Randy S____ made his return to full-time play and hinted he may exceed earlier projections for a quick comeback. Something many of his fans never doubted.

The three-year-old dynamite spent several hours in a local ER Sunday afternoon following a front end collision with a sanctuary pew.

"I fall down. I fall down on the pew. Yeah, it hurt. It felt....mean. But I all better."

Reports that S______ was traveling at speeds well above recommended church limits at the moment of impact have not been confirmed or denied. S_____ has resumed normal [hyper]activity and expects to have the stitches removed within the week. Team insiders claim, "it's like he didn't even get hurt."