Wall*Mart Wake Up Call

So we went to the lake for the holiday, and I decided that the children and I would attend services in the tiny Louisiana town that sits some 15 miles away (incidentally, the same town my Daddy grew up in). The kids are just not worth living with if you do not take them to church. They will sermonize you to death.
"Isn't this Sunday? The Lord's Day?" confused and perplexed
"We aren't going to church?!" aghast
"But I want to go to Sunday School and learn about Jesus!" pleading
What is a mom to do? The good little Baptists had all packed their Sunday clothes, but their mother--the reprobate--had not. I decided I would whip into the old fashioned Wally-world (I bet you didn't even know they still existed) and grab a dress. They did not have any dresses in the ladies department except three marked down on the "plus" size wrack. I looked at the purple glorified moo-moo and shook my head. Certain that the thing would simply swallow me, I grabbed a belt and went to try it on.
I was shocked to find that it didn't swallow me. It did not need a belt. Besides being a little roomy in the bust, It looked like it was made for me. I cried.
I quit my aerobics class months ago--it wasn't feasible with the daycare schedule. And meals had become a matter of catching what I could when I could. Most often that meant high-carb, high fat. In the evenings we were eating out alot. And my daily coca-cola (or two) quickly became my lifesaver and an evening snow-cone run an addiction. Hey, I was working hard, so I deserved it, right?
Notice the use of the past tense? Yes, friends, the master and I and our two oldest children are on a quest to eat right and exercise. Our goal is a BMI in the healthy range (since the master, K and I are considered "obese"--Abby is only "overweight"). For me, that means 30 pounds. Yikes!!! That seems like a huge number. But I can't do plus sizes. They are so NOT "Just My Size"

Diet/Detox Day ?

Are you wondering what became of our diet/detox? Well, we are still juicing for breakfast and lunch, but I never could re-start the "cleansing" soups. After our dabble back into the world of solid food, the thought of pureed veggie soup just made me want to gag. I tried. I wanted to finish the 21 days, but I couldn't make myself eat that soup. I AM SICK OF SOUP! I considered eliminating the evening "meal," but that would have been coming close to starving myself. Which would not have moved me any closer to my weight loss goals. When I did start eating again, I'd gain it all back--and then some--quickly. We made it 12 days. That's pretty good, right? I'm still drinking berries and veggies, and that's sure to improve my overall health, huh? And best of all, I am totally pumped about fasting for spiritual breakthrough. I know now that I CAN do it! I'm excited to see how the Spirit will work in my heart as I participate in this discipline. After a few days, your thoughts are so much clearer.
I lost 10 pounds, and the master lost 15. As soon as the thought of soup doesn't make me retch, I will try for another 10 pounds. That will bring me within my ideal weight range, and I will be able to put the 100% successful stamp on this venture.

Day Eight

We are just over one third of the way through this diet. I have lost 9 pounds, and the master is holding at 11 1/2 pounds. I'm starting to wonder if this is any cheaper than W*ight W*tchers, or not. Fresh berries and veggies are EXPENSIVE. So are the supplements and teas. And we consume them like crazy. It may come to this: our bulge or our budget?
Tami commented that by now, she would be screaming for her chocolate. I thought I would be that way, but this diet is different. I set my mind to do this diet or die trying, all the while certain I would be bed ridden by day 2. For, when it comes right down to it, we are actually participating in a kind of fast--something I never thought I could do. I am a person who LOVES food, and I felt I couldn't do without it. Of course, as humans, I realize we can't live without nourishment over time, but I thought I couldn't go a day--a meal--without eating. I got cranky, had headaches, if lunch was so much as an hour late. Long ago, I self-diagnosed myself as hypoglycemic, and I used that (flimsy) excuse for not fasting for spiritual reasons. Over the past week, I've discovered what I really am is addicted. I am addicted to food. "Hello, my name is Jessica S_____, and I'm a foodaholic." This is both a humbling and liberating experience. For the first time in my adult life, food has no hold over me. W*ight W*tchers preached this, but I understand now that I never Incorporated the idea into my belief system: food is fuel. We make it to be so many other things--comfort, entertainment, pleasure, tradition, habit, vice, love, etc.--but it is only fuel. And in reality, our bodies need very little of it.
Update of strange phenomenon: This detox is supposed to bring on strong emotions. "As your body sheds toxins it will also release negative feelings from your system." But again, I didn't look for that to happen. Sounded like a bunch of new age hocus-pocus to me. However, I must report an emotional tsunami, but not, thankfully, during waking hours. I awoke twice this week from dreams literally sobbing, my pillow soaking wet from tears. This has only happened to me once or twice in adulthood and only when I'm pregnant. (I'm not, by the way. Snip, snip, doctor took care of that.) Another night, I woke from a dream in a red-hot, completely non-sensical RAGE. Weird stuff.

Day 6 and7

This diet is different than anything I've done before. Strange, but I don't feel like eating. I was able to prepare a meal for the kids and not taste a bite or desire to. Even when I was whole-hog W*ight W*tchers, I couldn't resist the tempation of a tiny nibble.
I didn't weigh today, but yesterday I had not lost any. I tried on my "skinny jeans" this morning and they are still tight. I'm hoping they will be lose by the time we're done.

Day 4 and 5

I'm going to have to double up on diet/detox post. We were given a brand new computer (how awesome is that?!), and were having some trouble getting the router and modem working in tandem, but after several hours on the phone with technical assistance we are up and working on my 22 inch wide, flat screen monitor. Blogging never looked so good.
Following paragraph falls under the category of TOO MUCH INFORMATION, feel free to skip:
Yesterday's colonic was a slight disappointment. I was expecting to flush all these nasty toxins from my body, but it just didn't happen. I guess Thursday's beets took care of that. Or my long daily use of M*tamucil. At any rate, I have an exceptionally clean colon and lower bowel. That is good news, I guess, but also a little frustrating to pay $35 to find that out. I do think that colonics would be a great therapy for anyone who is suffering from bloating or constipation. I did feel super-d-duper clean from the waist down.
Up until tonight, the evening "cleansing" soups have also been a let down. In truth, I think the master was about to bail on the detox/diet. He said he could not make it three weeks without at least ONE meal that didn't make him gag. I decided to give a little on the ingredient rules for the soups in an effort to keep him on board. You know, short term loss, long term gain. It paid off. Our cream of spinach soup was a huge success. I cut the butter the recipe called for, and used a tablespoon of EVOO instead (still not allowed, according to the diet, but better than butter), and splurged on 1/4 cup of organic half-and-half. The funny thing is, I normally would not touch a "Spinach Soup" with a ten foot pole, but after the things we have been eating over the last few days, I found it DELICIOUS. Even a few of the kids ate it.
Total pounds lost:
Me=8
The master=10 1/2

Day 3

I've lost 6 pounds. I don't feel any lighter, but the scales don't lie. The master is down 8. The regimen is starting to become routine.
My "lunch" today was beets, celery, and spinach. The beets messed me up. Won't be juicing any more of those. They may be full of all kinds of nutrients and antioxidants, but I can't handle them. Too bad, so sad, kidneys.
My mom is here taking care of the children's meal preparation. Yeah, I know, I'm spoiled. But I really had no way of knowing how bad my caffeine withdrawals would be. The one time before that I tried to kick the habit, I had migraines. I made plans with her weeks ago to schedule a visit around the third day. This is when you are supposed to feel the crummiest. It is called the "healing crisis." I don't think we've experienced one, but I did feel more hungry. Perhaps 'hungry' isn't the right word....just wanting to chew something.
Strange phenomenon--we have a bright orange coating on our tongues. I think it is the toxins coming out of our body. The master says it usually happens around the third day of a fast, but it has always been white before.
Tomorrow--hot colonic!

Day 2

I'm most of the way through day 2. All of the truly nasty beverages have been downed. All that remains is my "cleansing" soup and a couple of mugs of tea. I'll go ahead and post, in case I am not feeling up to it after church.
The master has lost five pounds. I'm sure some of that was water weight, but it is a good start at any rate. He is pleased. The weight is coming off faster than when he does a complete fast for spiritual reasons (around two pounds a day). That makes sense, because unlike a true fast, we are still consuming nutrients, so the metabolism should not switch into starvation mode. The diet promises to shed a pound a day. I have not yet weighed. I wanted to get a weight on Monday, but we had some rainy, cold weather that I did not need to expose Cara to, so I stayed home. I was weighed a few weeks ago at the WIC office, and that was bad enough, without Christmas feasting added in. I may step on the scales tonight at church. I'm a little hesitant to. I mean, what if I haven't lost any? That would be discouraging and might tempt me to give up.
Juicing. I like it. The fresh fruit/berry juice I made this morning was DIVINE! By far the yummiest thing that has passed these lips in two days. Lunch's vegetable drink (cabbage, spinach, carrots, apple, and rosemary) wasn't quite as tasty, but again, I'm able to eat veggies for the first time in my life, my body will thank me!
This diet is supposed to give you "tons of energy." So far, I haven't experienced that, but it is still early. Actually, I feel pretty sluggish and not able to focus as well as I usually do. I'm sure that is due in part to my severance from my beloved coffee. I'm drinking green tea in the morning to take the edge off.
People on this diet report all sorts of strange healings from various chronic health problems, so I'd like to you give you any updates of that sort as we continue. Neither the master or I suffer from bad health. Unless you count his bone disease, and I don't look for him to grow a new leg in the next three weeks. He, he. But, we both noticed yesterday, and even more so today, that we look different. Seriously. We are starting to look younger. The diet promises to, "turn back the clock." But, I was taking that with a large dose of salt thinking, "Sure, anyone looks younger when they drop 20 pounds." Say what you will, but this skeptic can't help but admit: I'm staring at the same reflection I looked at five years ago.

Day One

We are one day in our 21 day detox/diet. It is a pretty radical program--you may have heard it called "The M*rtha's Viny*rd Detox." Family and friends who have caught wind of our plan, have all asked us, "Why?" For obvious reasons, we need to diet. The master is at 200 pounds now, the heaviest he has been in his life. While excess weight is not healthy for anyone, it is especially taxing on the bones for someone with his condition. His dad made me promise on our wedding day, that I would not let him become obese, and I always keep my promises. For my part, I have gained the 25 pounds back that I lost two years ago in W*ight W*tchers. It crept up S-L-O-W-L-Y the first 18 months, because I really did incorporate many healthy, sensible eating habits into my life while working the plan. But when Cara was born, and I spent three weeks eating hospital food (which, why on earth, is HOSPITAL food so unhealthy?) and McDonalds, I went into a downward spiral. I've packed on 15+ pounds since June. This calls for drastic measures. I could go back to W*ight W*tchers--I loved that program, and it is an effective, healthy way to lose weight. But the master could not go to meetings with me, it is more expensive, and you have to be extremely motivated to stick with the plan for the long haul. I am just not there. I need to see results RIGHT NOW. I chose this program, because not only do you lose weight, you put your body through a total cleanse. In three weeks, I should have the same weight loss that would represent four months of point counting with WW. The master and I will not be chewing for 21 days. The idea is to let you digestive system rest, so that the body can focus on purging fat and toxins from the body. Water, fruits, herbs, teas and veggies only. No starches, carbs, meat, dairy--nothing that tastes good.
Those of you who know me, know that I hate vegetables. I don't eat them. Never have. I can't stand the texture. Well, that is not a problem, now, because everything is either juiced or pureed. Today, I've consumed more vegetables than my entire life put together--with the exception of infancy, because I'm sure my mom fed me well. I've also experienced the nastiest tastes of my life--Kubacha. It's a fermented Chinese tea. Don't go there. Ever.
Surprisingly, I have not been hungry. I thought I would be ravished, but you have to consume one of your green drinks, juices, or teas every two hours, and they either fill you up and/or are so disgusting, that your appetite is definitely suppressed.
Tomorrow we juice!